Finding Your Identity: 4 Steps to Discovering Purpose

God has given everyone a unique identity. You are not only a child of God, but you are called by God into something that is specific to you. I am not talking about work. Work changes over the course of our lives. We are not identified by what roles we play in life (mother, accountant, dancer, etc.). We are identified, by God, to be something that only we can be.

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The Process

The ideas in this post are adapted from the work of Jamie and Donna Winship who own the company Identity Exchange. They have an extensive list of resources and if you search their names on the internet, you’ll find podcasts, interviews, sermons, and much more.

If you’re in a season of transition or simply longing for a deeper understanding of who you really are beyond your personality traits, social roles, and core values, you’re not alone. Many of us spend our entire lives reacting to social conditioning, life events, and cultural background without ever pausing to ask: Who did God create me to be?

​Personal identity work is about returning to your core identity, your true self, and allowing that to shape everything else.

Jamie Winship’s book Living Fearless lays out a powerful process for finding your identity. It’s simple, but not always easy. And it begins with radical honesty and overcoming fear.

Step 1: Confess

Start by telling the truth, first to God, and sometimes to a close friend. This means saying what you’re actually feeling, not what you think you’re supposed to feel.

It might sound like:

• I don’t want to say I’m sorry because they might not forgive me.  
• I don’t want to go there, I am afraid I’ll be alone.  
• I don’t want to talk to that person, I’m afraid of what they might say, think, or do.
• I want to be generous, but I’m scared I’ll run out of money.
• I’m not sure if I even fully believe right now.

There are endless variations, but the point is to be honest. Say the thing that is the most true for you. This kind of confession isn’t about shame, it’s about clarity. It’s about getting to the starting point of your own identity development. It clears the air and creates intimacy with God.

Step 2: Identify False Beliefs

This next part of the process is about naming the lies you’ve been believing. These often stem from negative thoughts, social pressure, unhealthy relationships, or traumatic events. Somewhere along the way, we got caught up in false beliefs, many times stemming from unintentional comments or reactions from people that we know and love. 

You might recognize beliefs like:

• I’m not worthy of love.
• I’m a failure.
• I’m not enough.
• I’m too much.
• I’ll never get it right.

It might feel backwards to start with what you’re not, but it’s surprisingly powerful. By naming your false belief system, you create space for a stronger sense of self and a more fulfilling life rooted in truth.

Notice how this comes after confession. The confession lays the groundwork for digging deeper into your belief system. 

Step 3: Learn the Truth

Now that we have a better understanding of our personal beliefs, the most important question becomes: God, who do You say I am?  This step is about replacing the false beliefs with truth. 

​Ask:

• What’s true about me?
• What do You want me to know about the lie I’ve been believing?

You might not get a neon sign, but you may sense a word, a phrase, a memory, or a deep, quiet knowing. And that’s enough. Start there. Start walking in the direction of that truth, even if it’s just a whisper.

This process of self-discovery has had a huge impact on me. When we begin to live from our true identity, not just the social identity we’ve picked up along the way, we step into a life marked by clarity, purpose, and healthy boundaries. When I know who I am, I can boldly go where God is calling me to go and I can stay away from the places He hasn’t. 

Step 4: Expression

When you begin to understand your core identity, you can start to align your everyday life with it. It doesn’t mean everything suddenly makes sense. It means you’re beginning to live from your being rather than your doing.

​Not every career path, role, or new idea will fit and that’s okay. Have you ever thought, This just isn’t me?  That’s often your inner self telling you that this particular expression doesn’t match your identity.

Personally, I’ve found identity expressed in a variety of ways. Each one feels like a true reflection of who I am. But trying to do them all at once can create role confusion, especially if you are used to identifying what you do as who you are. 

I’m learning that just because something fits doesn’t mean it has to fit right now. Our identity is steady, but our expression of it shifts with life experiences and seasons. 

The most important thing is to start from who you are. From there, your actions, decisions, and even your career choices will flow into alignment with your values and calling.

Keep Moving

Don’t stop taking action just because your identity hasn’t been fully discovered yet. Young adults especially may feel pressured to figure it all out in their twenties, but identity formation is a lifelong process.

Sometimes we discover who we are by doing. Trying. Failing. Learning. Your free time, personal relationships, hobbies, jobs, etc. can all give you information about who you are and who you’re becoming.

It’s easier to steer something already in motion than to push from a dead stop. So keep going. Keep asking. Keep showing up. That’s often the best way to become a stronger, more rooted human being.

If this speaks to you and you want to go deeper, I highly recommend looking up Jamie and Donna Winship at Identity Exchange. Their work is a gift.

And remember: your true identity isn’t something you achieve. It’s something you receive. And you already have it.